In my Queen Era

What's been rolling around my mind this solar return...

Some of the oldest beliefs around birthdays tell the story of deep connection to spirit. At the moment of your first breath, the veil between material and spirit worlds thin, signifying that you are protected and a reason for celebration. The sky a unique map, where the stars aligned in the perfect placement for your soul's purpose to be expressed through you, with this body, in this lifetime.

My relationship with this day has undergone its own rollercoaster journey. From leo-sun-like adoration to developing an unhealthy measure of self-worth from my expectations, which led to disappointment and eventually dissociating from my core need to feel special and seen. Like any lesson, it took attention, intention, practice, and my own curated tool-box of teachings that have helped me alchemize the need for external worth wrapped around a single day into a fuller remembrance of who I came here to be.

For me, the most powerful tools in the tool box are the ones that anchor me back into meaning. Be it astrological transits, the energetic blueprint that is human design, pauses for reflection or practices that activate my soul’s highest potential by amplifying my physical self to receive and deliver. It’s the bija mantra: Sat Nam, I am Truth/Truth is my Essence, that plants the small yet potent seed of expansion and growth. A daily practice of returning to self through the breath: in - out - in - out, silently meditating sat - nam - sat - nam. I am Truth, Truth is my Essence.

We all have a need to feel connected to something bigger than ourselves that I truly believe is a clue from our inner knowing that we already are. That the universe (and everything in between) is a mirror. And part of the journey to experiencing the infinite is learning and unlearning (or cleaning the fog from our mirror - if you will) all the thoughts, feelings, or beliefs that have shaped our lives. That process, for me, tends to unfold within the land of “practical woo.” Where logic and intuition are free to flow with one another.

It happens on the pages of my journal, in meditation, in acts of self-love, and in the subtle everyday moments where I respond to life from my most honest place.

The desire to be celebrated and feel special on this of all days just a little more than the rest of the year hasn’t changed. It’s me who has. I’ve learned that my desires are needs and that I am the perfect creation to fulfill them.

In princess mode we are waiting to be saved, seeking something outside of us to bring fulfillment & pleasure. In our Queen era we give that to ourselves. Quote by Birjiwan

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God is all things and also a comedian. Post-Birthday thoughts hit differently when you spent the days leading up to it reflecting and writing about healing old narratives. I think when we make those bold declarations, the universe likes to give us a tiny poke to see how we'll stand by our words.

The day of my birthday was a comical tale of what I imagine people's first real encounter with mercury retrograde feels like. Mishap after mishap, anxiety, frustration and about 3-seconds from burning it all to the ground.

In the midst of the chaos brewing, an old story came up that said "I always cry on my birthday." That I recognized it as a story was powerful enough to shake me back into the moment. I immediately went to the tools that calm my nervous system, anchor me into truth and help me remember who the f I am.

Not seconds later, the sky cleared and a rainbow spread across the sky and from that point on came a slew of synchronicities. A favorite being the radio playing all the old school house music of my twenties. (think Vegas circa 2011)

Yes, the sky opened up with a rainbow just for me when I surrendered the old pattern to a deeper learning. That's my new story and I'm sticking to it.